In some ways, a Christian pastor is fulfilling the very essence of his calling when he preaches an unbeliever’s funeral. He is remembering in thanksgiving a life of one made in the image of God. He is there to intepret the reality that “the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Rom 6:23).
How does a minister preach for sinners at the funeral of a saint? And how does a minister preach for saints at the funeral of a sinner? Let "saints" and "sinners" stand for believers and unbelievers; what does a minister say in those situations?
One thing is needed at any funeral: the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ. When we gather in the presence of death, only the best news will do. At a funeral, whoever comes—saints, sinners, believers, unbelievers, believing doubters, doubting believers, everyone—needs to be evangelized by the good news of what God has done for us in Jesus Christ. Everyone needs the incredible news that "while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." That is the news that unbelievers still find incredible and that even the most veteran believers can never quite get over.
Preparing to preach at a funeral will take into account many factors. A funeral for a six-year-old child who was killed suddenly in an accident will be quite different from a service for a ninety-nine-year-old person who prayed for three years for death to come. The deceased person's life, faith, character, failures, and achievements will influence what is said. The needs of the people who are expected to attend will also make a difference. But none of these factors determines the message. The message may come from only one source: the news of Good Friday and the Third Day.
Three factors call for the speaking of the gospel at a funeral: death is there, people are there, and God is there. These form the matrix in which the good news is spoken.
Death is there.
Like witnessing birth, standing in the presence of death is awesome. Life
was given; now it is taken away. The beginning of life is ablaze with
wonder, and the end of life is shrouded in mystery. Neither birth nor death
can be fathomed by neat formulas or reduced to reasonable explanations.
Death is there in the form of a lifeless body. It has the power to strip us
of all of our illusions of self-sufficiency and immortality. In the presence
of death, we know that we will die. The mystery of death cannot be tamed
either by veteran saints or hardened sinners.
It was Sunday, January 1,1989, the First Sunday after Christmas. The Epistle for the day (Cycle C, Common Lectionary) was Hebrews 2:10-18. It includes the wonderful news that "Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might destroy him who has the power of death—that is, the devil—and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death." (vv. 14-15). I did not want to merely talk about the fear of death; I wanted to create it. So I called my friend Mr. Michael Johnson from Brown Funeral Home and asked if he would bring a casket to church before the service and place it in front of the pulpit. The casket was left open so that, upon arriving, worshipers could see that it was empty.
Fear and panic seized the people as we gathered for worship. Later I learned that some people arrived, saw the casket, and went home. The fear of death stood in the way of worship.
Before the lessons began, I addressed the congregation: "When you came to church this morning and saw this casket standing here, were you afraid? I think you were. I hope you were. And if you were, you are my sister or brother."
Before the lessons were read, we closed the casket and placed a pall over it. The sermon about Jesus, our flesh-and-blood brother, was spoken to deliver us from bondage to the fear of death.
At a funeral, death is there, not in the symbol of an empty casket, but in the form of a dead body or in the remembering of the deceased. And death destroys our illusions of self-sufficiency and immortality.
People are there.
People who are casual acquaintances, coworkers, friends, or intimate family
members are there. People are there who have experienced the failures and
accomplishments, the virtues and the vices of the deceased. People are there
who have been believers in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior as long as they
can remember. Others are there who either have never heard the good news or
have grown cynical and distant because of bitter experiences with life or
the church. People of all sorts are there in the presence of death.
God is there.
The God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ is there. The God who said,
"Blessed are the poor in spirit" is there for people who know in the
presence of death that we are all poverty-stricken. The God who came in the
flesh and blood of Jesus Christ to deliver us—who through fear of death were
subject to lifelong bondage—is there. The God whose Spirit of power
accompanies the gospel of truth is there. God attends the funeral.
Because death is there, people of all sorts are there, and God is there, it is time for hearing the gospel. The matrix at a funeral service that makes the good news necessary is the matrix that makes it possible. Everyone at a funeral needs to be evangelized. Everyone—whether they have been "believers" for eighty years, or have grown cynical, distant, and bitter, or have never heard the news of what God has done for us in Jesus Christ— everyone needs the gospel.
If there is any time or place in which believers can identify with unbelievers, it is at a funeral. There believers know what unbelievers need because they need it themselves. It is the time and place where the issues of life and death are sharply drawn. At a funeral we know that if we are not "saved" by the grace of Another, there is no hope for us. At a funeral believers say, "Lord, I believe, help my unbelief," and unbelievers grope for the words to say, "Lord, I do not believe, help my belief." At a funeral, believers know what Peter meant when he preached about Jesus and said, "Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved" (Acts 4:12). The we is important. At a funeral, everyone needs to be saved. Everyone needs the gospel.
So how shall we preach at the funeral of a saint when there are sinners present? And how shall we preach at the funeral of a sinner when there are saints present? About the same way. Yes, the circumstances of the death, the life of the deceased, and the characteristics of the gathered congregation will make a difference in how the gospel is spoken, what emphases are sounded, what words are used, what stories are told. But when death is there, people of all sorts are there, and God is there, it is time for the good news: while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Only that news will be adequate for believers and unbelievers alike—each of whom may be doubting their faith or facing their unbelief in the presence of death.
At a funeral—more than at any other time—preachers need the reminder of Joseph Sittler: "That's what a sermon is for: to hang the holy possible in front of the mind of the listeners and lead them to that wonderful moment when they say, 'If it were true, it would do.' To pass from that to belief is the work of the Holy Spirit, not the preacher." (Gravity and Grace. Minneapolis: Augsburg, 1986. p. 63.)
Yes, in Jesus Christ, God has overcome death for us. That is the gospel truth that some people at a funeral may experience as merely "the holy possible" while others will celebrate it with joy. God gives life instead of death. He awaits us on the other side. It is the news that people who already believe and people who cannot yet believe both need.
If saints and sinners, believers and unbelievers, believing doubters and doubting believers all leave a funeral service saying, "If it were true, it would do," then the gospel has been heard, the seed of faith has been planted, and Jesus Christ has been glorified by being "lifted up."
At any funeral, only the gospel will do.
Always acknowledge and validate the deceased’s life.
This person is someone’s grandfather, grandmother, father, mother, son,
daughter, etc. In other words, this person was greatly loved and will
be missed. A lifetime of memories are stored on the bookshelves on
their minds. A myriad of pictures may be displayed by the casket
representing a lifetime of events and experiences. These cannot and
should not be denied, even in light of their refusal to receive Christ
in this life.
Develop a close relationship/friendship with the family of the deceased. Whatever the reason they asked you to do the funeral (such as: you were the only one to visit them at their home or in the hospital; they looked you up in the phone book; you are the pastor of a relative, etc.), you must take time to get to know the family personally. Visit them in their home, call them, go to the viewing at the funeral home or church. Your presence speaks volumes. You are not to simply arrive and preach your message. You come alongside them and help share their grief and bear their burdens. And you will be amazed at how they appreciate your presence and will lean on you for support. At that point, you are as Christ to them by virtue of your calling into the Gospel ministry. Which leads me to the next point… .
Remember your ultimate calling as a minister of the gospel of Christ, even in this situation. In the course of your visits and conversations with the family, you will find yourself tempted to lessen the blow of the deceased’s eternal reality — something which can happen easier that it initially appears. The family is so grieved and despondent that, even in light of the deceased’s apathy or even outright rejection of Christ, may comfort themselves in thinking that the deceased is in “a better place.” The alternative of believing someone they loved so dearly is suffering eternal judgment in hell may be too much to bear.
But even so, we have a higher calling. The funeral is for those in attendance, not just the one in the casket. Remind those in attendance of this fact, then show them the comfort that may be found. How? “Preach Christ crucified!” The reality of Christ must break through the muddle of thoughts that are settling in their grief-stricken minds. While they may comfort themselves that many other issues and thoughts, family and friends, and fill in the blank — in reality, the only comfort that may be found in any circumstance or situation is in Christ. We must not turn away or be ashamed of Christ, even if it means breaking through their sensibilities of what the ‘afterlife.’
First, it is important to be clear on the purpose of a
Christian funeral service. A funeral service is not for the deceased.
Scripture declares, "Man is destined to die once, and after that to
face judgment" (Hebrews 9:27). Our lifetime is the only time of grace
in which we are to "seek the Lord while he may be found" (Isaiah 55:6).
At death a soul meets the Creator. There is no second opportunity to
repent. Jesus clearly says, "Whoever believes and is baptized shall be
saved, whoever does not believe will be condemned" (Mark 16:16).
For
those who die believing in Jesus, there is the sure hope of eternal
life in heaven. Christ says, "I am the resurrection and the life. He
who believes in me will live, even though he dies" (John 11:25; see
also Job 19:25-27; 1 Thess. 4:17). A Christian funeral service is then
a worship service in which the Word of God is proclaimed in order to
comfort the survivors and those who grieve with this Gospel hope in the
resurrected Christ. Believers in Jesus eagerly look forward to the
reunion of all believers in heaven.
What is a pastor to say at
a funeral of a non-Christian? If a Christian pastor is true to the Word
of God, he cannot change or minimize the Bible's warning that unbelief
damns. "Whoever does not believe will be condemned" (Mark 16:16; see
also Mathew 25:41,46). To say otherwise is to deny the Scriptures.
Furthermore, to officiate at a funeral of a non-Christian might confuse
mourners and allow them to think that somehow one can still gain heaven
apart from Jesus. This is impossible, for Jesus says, "No one comes to
the Father except through me" (John 14:6).
This does not mean
that the Christian pastor will ignore the spiritual needs of the
mourners and the family. He will still bring the Gospel to them
privately and point them to Jesus who will uphold them in this trying
time. But regarding the funeral service itself, by not officiating at a
service of an unbeliever the pastor is simply saying "I have no
evidence that this person died believing in Jesus."
Certainly,
some might view such actions as loveless. But is it love to give false
hope? Is it loving to perhaps leave the impression that there is
another way to life apart from Jesus? Love for souls means we need a
clear confession. Christian pastors are to clearly proclaim that
"Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under
heaven given to men by which we must be saved" (Acts 4:12).
Sometimes
a Christian pastor might officiate at the funeral of a non-member. Such
an action indicates that the pastor had shared the Gospel with this
person in visits at home or in the hospital. By conducting the funeral
the pastor indicates that he received a verbal confession of faith in
Jesus as Savior, perhaps even while the person was on a death bed. What
a joy it is in such cases for a pastor to rejoice in the sinner that
repents, and like the dying thief, was called to faith even if late in
life.
Anyone who has been to a nominal Christian funeral knows what happens there. After we are told that the dearly departed lived life with gusto, it’s time for noble comments about eternity. The weight of a thousand past funerals will be remembered and earnestly repeated along with religious bits-and-pieces picked up from the popular culture. Sentimental songs with vague spiritual aspirations will be played. We may hear the syrupy agnosticism that assures us that the departed is immortal “because he lives on in our hearts and minds.” Then comes Hallmark-card Christianity of the “he’s smiling down on us now” variety, and the pastor seals the deal by speaking of salvation without repentance, Christ without the Cross, and love without holiness. Yea, we are afflicted by the trials of life, but don’t worry… it’ll all pan out in the end, when God will wipe away every tear.
Bob Dewaay notes that one of Rick Warren’s oft-repeated errors in The Purpose Driven Life is stating Scriptures intended for believers as if they are intended for all. This is what happens at funerals. The 23rd Psalm or Isaiah 40 or Revelation 21:4 is read indiscriminately, without explanation, to both believers and unbelievers. It surely happens for various reasons. Some pastors are deceivers of the flock, weaving a drowsy spell like the evil queens of fairy tales. Others may just not want to get into unpleasant stuff with mourning people.
This reluctance to speak the whole counsel of God seems to me a travesty that endangers souls. To use Psalm 23 as an example, Scripture is clear that the Lord will not lead the unbeliever beside the still water. Only believers will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Per 2 Thessalonians 1:8-9, God will inflict “vengeance on those who do not know God and on those who do not obey the gospel of our Lord Jesus. They will suffer the punishment of eternal destruction, away from the presence of the Lord and from the glory of his might.” It is only in hearing this very bad news that the unrepentant will be led to seek the very good news, the righteousness of Christ that covers us from God’s righteous wrath.
No-nos -
* Don't "preach them into heaven."
* Don't ever promise that we will be reuinited with our "loved one" in
heaven when you know that the person had no interest in Christianity or
the faith.
* Don't let the Masons take charge of the service.
* Don't forget the date or be late.
* Don't mispronounce the name of the deceased or their relatives (be
sure before the service that you know how names are pronounced).
* Don't yield to the temptation to historical revisionism regarding the
life of the deceased. You can't make a stinker into a saint by your
rhetoric.
* In so far as you have any input, don't let the service happen more
than a week after the death. It increases the stress enormously to wait
so long for the closure of a service.
Do -
* Remember that you are a herald of the Gospel, not a pop psychologist.
* I always try to personalize my funeral homilies, but work very hard NOT to be maudlin or cheaply sentimental.
* Direct people to our gracious Lord's provision for us in our grief
rather than all of the "wonderful" features of the deceased
(particularly if he/she was an apparent unbeliever).
Stories -
* Once a man was so tense because his wife had died in a foreign
country and it took months to get her body back, that he got into a
fight with the funeral director and almost decked me when I tried to
intervene before the service.
* Once a pagan grandson stormed up to the pulpit and pushed me out of the way and took over a service.
* Once a widow passed by the open casket of her husband, started
beating his chest with her fists and yelling at him for leaving her.
* Once a gay son of a Christian lady brought his "life partner" to the
graveside service and sat with his head on his "partner's" shoulder
throughout the brief service.
* Once I officiated at a burial for stillborn twins. All of the family and guests were African-American except me.
* Once Hollywood actor Ben Stein attended one of my funerals for a
young child. He got into a theological discussion with me after the
service about the meaning of John 14.
Frankly, I have always felt something like theological background music
at weddings. You are about as important as the flowers and less so than
the runner down the aisle. Funerals, on the other hand, find people
hurting and in need of ministry. This is an opportunity for the hearald
to speak forth the good news at a very important time in people's lives.